Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 17 January 2009

image for Manchester City Arab Owners To Drill For Oil In Eastlands Car Park

There was more astonishing news at glamour club Manchester City this morning, when it emerged that the club's oil-rich Arab billionaires Sheikh Mansour and club chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak have decided that, to fund the purchase of AC Milan's Kaka, they will drill for oil in the Eastlands car park in the summer.

The news was greeted with shock ahead of City's important match with Wigan Athletic.

The topic of conversation all this week has been of the on/off £107million transfer of Kaka, but, with the Brazilian undecided as to whether or not he wants to play for the Sky Blues, talk has now turned to oil, and if there is some under the car park, City will TRULY become the richest club on the planet.

Initial surveys and tests are planned for May after the season is over, and, depending on the results, bore holes could be sunk as early as June 1st.

The project has important implications for the Middle East, and the situation in Iraq.

If oil is found at Eastlands, the oil fields of Iraq would become less important to the West, and a troop pull-out would almost certainly follow swiftly. Britain would then become self-sufficient in oil terms, with the price of fuel and home heating costs plummeting to new lows.

The long-range outlook for Manchester City as a global concern is rosy, but, of course, they still have to perform on the pitch, and today's game against the Latics will provide a good indicator for Sheikh Mansour to decide whether he wants to take the club forward, or to run it into the ground, and salvage what he can before turning the site into a giant oil platform, and consigning the Sky Blues to the history books.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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