Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 16 January 2009

image for Kaka: Manchester City To Buy Woolworths Instead
'Ere, get y'self some goodies

Chaos this morning at Eastlands, where executives at Manchester City seem to have bowed to fan pressure, and have decided to shelve plans to buy the AC Milan star, Kaka, for a reputed £107million.

The club will, instead, buy Woolworths.

Criticism of City's Arab owners and their intention to pay over-the-odds for players, has been unprecedented, with even former England hero Alan Shearer offering his opinion. Shearer told the BBC yesterday:

"What a waste of money. At some stage, the Arabs will piss off, and City will be left with a huge wage bill, for players that don't care about Man City, and have probably never even heard of Franny Lee!"

Dozens of supporters had contacted the club's website, pointing out that, rather than paying £107million for Kaka, City might consider buying Fernando Torres, Cristiano Ronaldo, Dimitar Berbatov, Didier Drogba and Hull City's Michael Turner - or all of them - and still have some change.

One even pointed out that any one of the stricken companies that are facing closure because of the current economic downturn could be saved, ten hospitals could be built, 30 schools opened, or housing provided for 10,000 people.

Sky Blues' assistant manager, Mark Bowen, later told reporters that, after an emergency meeting last night, club chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak had called the Kaka deal off, saying he had "other plans".

This morning, it emerged that City had bought all 815 branches of the recently-closed Woolworths, with a view to breathing life back into the Pick'n'Mix market.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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