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Thursday, 8 January 2009

image for Florida Cheerleader Opens Up On Eve Of BCS National Championship Game
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Buffy Helms, a junior cheerleader at the University of Florida, resigned from her squad and spoke candidly with reporters on the eve of her schools participation in the BCS National Championship game. The young woman revealed sordid details of sexual abuse, prostitution, and depravity at the University during her years there.

Buffy said that after each game, ten "Players of the Game" are selected from the offense, defense, and special teams. Each is allowed to pick from the squad of twenty cheerleaders (ten male and ten female) a companion for the evening (Buffy said that usually none of the guys get picked, unless one of the winners is a placekicker).

Cheerleaders are then expected to be that person's sexual slave/toy the next evening and comply with all of their requests.

For this, the girls are compensated with full ride scholarships.

Cheerleaders are also expected to entertain recruits during their on campus visits. "This is usually okay," said Buffy, "as most of them are just sixteen or seventeen year old virgins and we can usually manipulate them into shooting their load early."

When asked if any of the players showed love towards the girls or if it was just rape, Buffy said that "it depends on the guy. Skill players like quarterbacks or receivers are usually better with their hands. If you get stuck with one of those 300 pound lineman, you just try to keep from getting squished and know you'll come out of it with a lot of bruises and smelling pretty bad."

Buffy was asked why she was coming clean and revealing this now. "It's all because I thought I wanted to be an NFL cheerleader after this. Then I found out that we don't get drafted like the players do out of college and that the tryouts I was supposedly doing for the Dolphins, Buccaneers, and Jaguars (Florida NFL teams) were just freebies on the side for slick talkers."

No one from the University of Florida provided any commentary on this admission. School officials were closeted with the other cheerleaders on the tenth floor of a Phoenix Holiday Inn to try to learn the truth from the other girls.

NCAA officials were also unavailable for comment at they were attending/scouting the National High School Cheerleading Championships in New Orleans this week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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