Written by IainB
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Monday, 5 January 2009

image for Stalybridge Celtic break away record
Where Celtic will be without a home game soon

Stalybridge Celtic of the Conference North were admitted into the Guinness Book of Records for the most consecutive away games for a senior team.

The last away game played by the Conference North side was at the start of October 2008. Due to cup runs and a cold snap the like of which has not been seen since 1973, their next home game is at the end of February 2009, taking in seventeen consecutive away games.

The Conference North scheduling computer decided that Celtic did not need to play many games at Bower Fold (their home ground) in November or December, and the gods of football did not look down favourably upon them. Their one and only home league game that was scheduled had to be postponed when Droylsden went on their FA Cup run, a run that ended in farce.

On a blank Saturday, Celtic arranged with the league's other Celtic, Farsley, bringing it forward from the end of the season to try and get a home game, only to see it return to it's original March date when a blanket of fog descended.

A good FA Trophy run for Celtic could have seen a home game, but again the gods of football intervened, and three away matches at Whitby, Stourbridge and Ebbsfleet has meant that one of January's games had to also be moved.

The Arctic cold snap that saw temperatures plummet to minus thirty in Stalybridge forced the postponement of January's other games.

"It's killing us," said Anthony Deck, spokesperson for the club. "Most of our supporters have forgotten where we are! Plus we're losing revenue and supporters won't want to come to all the home games we've got crammed in for March and April. Why us? That's not a rhetorical question by the way. I really want to know."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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