Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Basketball, DUI

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

image for Charles Barkley Arrested: "Hey It Was Listerine"
This autographed basketball was sold by Barkley to KKK Grand Dragon Bubba Joe Baffin for $157,000

SCOTTSDALE, Arizona - Former NBA star and TNT color commentator Charles Barkley, 45, (aka Sir Charles) was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving.

Barkley who tips the scales at 495 pounds was stopped by Scottsdale police officer Guido Chesapeake at 1:30 am. Barkley told him that he had gone out to buy some milk and bread.

Officer Chesapeake said that after stopping Barkley he asked him if he had been drinking alcohol. Barkley told him that an hour before he had eaten two large pepperoni pizzas and drank a 3-liter bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper."

Barkley, who was dressed in a Manu Ginobili (#20) San Antonio Spurs jersey told the officer that after eating he had gargled with Listerine.

The arresting officer said that Barkley was very co-operative and that he even gave him an autograph and he signed it 'To Officer Guido Chesapeake, the best policeman in the great state of Arizona, best wishes, Charles Barkley, future governor of the great state of Alabama.'

As Barkley was being photographed at the police station he said, "I know I ain't perfect. Heck, I ain't even half perfect. I have faults and vices. I'm a hardcore gambler and I've lost $10 million. But I am trying to quit and I give myself three to one odds that I will succeed.

I have already stopped cursing like a salty sailor at sea. I'm working on lowering my cholesterol. I no longer mistreat stray cats, I've stopped using dangling participles, and I call my mama at least once every two months."

Barkley was released after posting $19.45 bail. He immediately drove to a local convenience store and bought some milk and bread.

"The Round Mound of Rebound" as Barkley is affectionately known is currently writing follow up books to his first two books.

His first book was 'I May Be Wrong But I Doubt It.' It is all about Barkley never ever being wrong. The follow up book is entitled, 'Hey Folks, I Was Wrong Okay, And Hell Let's Be Frank, There Ain't No Damn Doubt About It.'

His second book was entitled, 'Who's Afraid of a Large Black Man' and was named by the Mobile (Alabama) Chamber of Commerce as one of the three greatest books of all time.

The follow up to that book is 'Who's Scared Like Hell That This Old 495 Pound Large Black Man's Gonna Step On Your Tootsies?'

In a related story. Barkley wants to dispel the vicious rumor that has been circulating throughout Missouri and New Hampshire that he is the biological father of ex-child actor Gary Coleman.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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