Written by Hawkeye
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Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Amongst the paraphernalia accompanying British tennis sensation, Andy Murray, on his journey to his Winter training ground in Miami this year, is an important piece of interactive software - 'Teach Yourself Gaelic Swearwords'.

"Och, we're [bleep] thrilled Andy is endorsing this product," Hamish McTavish, a member of the Scottish branch of The Expletives Society told The Spoof last night. "It will appeal to his [bleep] authentic self. Gaelic is a [bleep] robust language which will certainly befuddle the [bleep] puritans and [bleep] pedants out there. So translating his [bleep] favourite words, and hopefully extending his [bleep] vocabulary to include a bit more variety, is a [bleep] wise move, aye."

"There's no doot he'll find it [bleep] beneficial not only on the [bleep] court; but also, for example, should he become lost on the [bleep] Shanghai streets after midnight again; or needs help coping with the whole [bleep] ice-bath experience; or even just when he next passes [bleep] Federer in the locker-room, the noo," he added.

Miles Mclagan, Murray's coach, agrees. "Although our focus this off-season is primarily on the physical side, Andy is keen to ensure all aspects of his game are moving forward."

"He can become pretty vocal on court, and it's about parity really. Anyone watching the recent Masters Cup matches could see it was unfair. For example, Simon could 'sacre bleu' his way through his matches without any comeback. Whereas Andy, despite cursing often behind his hand or into his towel amid the noise of the crowd, still offended the sensibilities of some Sassenachs."

But how will Murray, not well-known for his studious capabilities, fare?

"Well Andy's up for anything he can access from his laptop; and he's ultra competitive about everything" said Matt Little, part of Team Murray. "It won't be a problem for us to ensure that plenty of insults will be flying around to maintain his competitive edge."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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