Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 12 November 2008

image for Chelsea Are Shit
Burnley fans celebrate

Chelsea, the team assembled by Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich at a cost of more than £450million, were humbled by Championship side Burnley in their Carling Cup-tie at Stamford Bridge last night, and their era as one of the top English teams is now officially over.

They are now shit.

The game ended in a 1-1 draw, and when 30 minutes of extra time couldn't sort the two out, it was on to penalties. As the competition went into sudden death, Burnley goalkeeper Brian Jensen then saved John Mikel Obi's spot-kick, and Chelsea became the laughing stock of London, and of the Premiership.

Wayne Bridge also fluffed his penalty, but John Terry didn't bother taking one tonight, even though there had been no rain, and the ground wasn't slippery.

As the players trooped dejectedly off the pitch at the end of 120 minutes of an enthralling encounter, angry Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard was heard to say:

"Shit!"

Blues boss Phil Scolari also said:

"Shit!", but with considerably more venom than the England international, and many Chelsea supporters were echoing his sentiments as they filed off home for their cocoa.

Burnley fans stayed inside the ground to celebrate their famous victory.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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