Written by Ron Baxter
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Wednesday, 29 October 2008

image for O'Neill Still Furious With Carew's Spearmint Antics
Who in their right mind would taunt a rhino with a pack of spearmint flavoured Trebors?

Despite Jon Carew's storming performance last Saturday at Wigan after coming off the bench, Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill is reportedly still livid at the striker's wild- boy antics last week.

Carew, unable to play in the preceding UEFA cup tie last week due to injury, was told to relax and recharge his batteries but was later that night snapped by photographers in a Birmingham club.

When asked about Jon's response to a severe grilling and a hefty fine imposed, the Northern Irishman replied, "I can't believe how easily everyone has forgotten what happened last week. I mean, Jon, ok, he's sealed the game for us last weekend but that doesn't excuse his lewd, tasteless and inappropriate behaviour before that. Who in their right mind would risk their fitness to taunt a rhino with a pack of spearmint flavoured Trebors?

"Not only that, Jon's a big guy and I wouldn't want that rhino to be hurt, especially when they're on the endangered list. He's still a bit of a wild boy is Jon, that's something he needs to work on."

Other reports from locals who witnessed the wild spearmint-rhino incident indicate that the rhino was not the least bit intimidated by the size of the Norwegian forward and that, in fact, was a fine specimen to behold.

"She wuz well curvy", Villa fan and job-seeker Derek Powell, who saw the incident, confirmed, "For a rhoinao she wuz quoyte ajoiyle an she lapped up that chuwba spearmints Big Jon had in minits. Moind you, Krystal's a straynge name for a rhoinao but she iz a special one."

Surprisingly, Aston Villa owner Randy Lerner was unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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