Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 17 September 2008

image for Steve Gerrard Demands Pay Rise
Football - an expensive business these days

Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard scored both his side's goals in a 2-1 Champions League win in Marseille last night, and immediately slapped in an enormous pay claim to double his present salary.

Already on £100,000-a-week, Gerrard believes his match-winning abilities are worth twice as much to Liverpool, and thinks that the Reds fans would willingly fork out so that he could become a new millionaire every five weeks.

The England international has already shown his worth for Liverpool this season, when he scored an unlikely winner against Middlesbrough recently, and claims to have the backing of supporters.

This news will come as a surprise to fans.

He also claimed the rising rate of inflation meant even he was "feeling the pinch".

Gerrard said after scoring his brace:

"The annual rate of UK inflation rose to 4.7% in August from 4.4% the month before, a higher-than-expected jump.

In a letter to the chancellor Alistair Darling, the Bank of England governor Mervyn King warned that inflation could reach a rate of 5% before falling back.

Mr King blamed food and energy price rises for inflation rising beyond the government's 2% target.

Inflation as measured by the Retail Prices Index (RPI) - often used in pay negotiations - fell to 4.8% from 5%.

Times are hard. I need more cash!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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