Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 14 September 2008

image for Everton Boss David Moyes Banished From Dugout For Wearing A Kilt
Moyes in his kilt

There was chaos at the Britannia Stadium this afternoon when Everton boss David Moyes was sent from the dugout during his side's visit to Stoke, after the referee spotted him wearing a kilt!

Moyes, who is Scottish, was deemed by referee Alan Wiley, to be trying to distract the Stoke players with his unusually large testicles, and received his marching orders on 74 minutes. He watched the rest of the game with the home fans, surrounded by some 'feisty' middle-aged ladies who wanted 'a piece of his action'.

Everton ran out eventual winners 3-2, but not before Stoke's Rory Delap, who, in direct competition with Moyes' large balls, threatened the Toffees with his long balls - throw-ins - which struck terror into the hearts of the defence every time he launched them into the box.

Moyes often wears a kilt, but usually underneath his tracksuit, and says he may well sport one in the future, depending on the air temperature, wind chill factor, and in which direction the gust is blowing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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