Written by Igor Biscanator
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Thursday, 24 July 2008

image for Age no barrier to success
The new sign at the Chelsea training ground

Age concern today laughed off suggestions by Salford FC Boss Alex Ferguson that Chelsea are too old to win major honours. They claimed that in the modern day age is no barrier to success, and surely the Utd boss man is a testament to that.

Big Phil also laughed off suggestions in the same conference after Chelseas gruelling pre season training camp in Bournmouth. Big Phil claimed that the Chelsea squad where in magnificent shape, possibly there best ever and that several of the squad where almost ready to move back onto solids for dinner. Big Phil said "Frank has been ready for a while now but we are still waiting on Deco, Carvalho, and Ballack, although Michael hasnt yet been able to stay awake through an entire episode of Countdown since Euro 2008". Commenting on the fitness of Deco he added, "He has been training intensively up the pier in his wheelchair and even ate an ice cream in record breaking time. We are all very excited to see how he performs against the rest of the squad when they have their afternoon cup of tea later."

Big Phil also took time out to reveal his latest tranfer targets that he hoped would inject a bit of energy into the side. "We are looking to get the fans back onside with the capture of Zola, other targets include Stanley Mathews to improve the English contingent and we are tracking the fitness of Ray Wilkins with view to a possible bid after he looked very sharpe chasing a hankerchief down the road on Tuesday."

One of the Chelsea youngsters celebrated grabbing the winner in the Craggy Island All Preist Over 75's 5 a side Tournament.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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