Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 22 July 2008

image for Sir Alex Ferguson Is Just Plain Wrong About Cristiano Ronaldo
The worst thing he could do...

Sir Alex Ferguson made a monumental mistake yesterday when, speaking about the Cristiano Ronaldo debacle, the Man Utd boss told the world's Press that "the worst thing that he can do is go to AC Milan". This was, clearly, an error.

The worst thing that Cristiano Ronaldo could do, would be to put a 357 Magnum inside his mouth and pull the trigger. Infinitely more disastrous than signing for one of the top football clubs in the world.

On a lesser scale perhaps, he could sign for United's neighbours, Manchester City, though this would still be in the 'suicidal' category. Bury might be a better option.

He could also eat a Lancashire Hot Pot each night for his tea, jump out of an aeroplane without a parachute, or wander down to one of Manchester's nightspots, pick up a MunterPunter and take it back to his place for some 'attacking play'; each of these would be far worse than signing for Milan.

When this was put to Mr Ferguson, he gave the questioner a knowing smile, and said that he had meant it in a footballing sense. The reporter, Alfred Askey of the Manchester Evening News, said:

"In a footballing sense, the worst thing he could do to United fans, would be to play against his United team-mates in a World Cup match, get one of them sent off and then wink towards the bench having successfully accomplished his mission," and then adding "but he's already done that!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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