Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 15 May 2008

image for Glasgow Rangers Fan Arrested In UEFA Bagpipe Rumpus
Traditional Scottish thug

A Scotsman wielding a set of bagpipes was arrested by police in Manchester last night after fans of Glasgow Rangers rampaged through the city centre singing and waving to passers-by.

The drunken fans, whose heroes had lost 2-0 to some Russian team, proceeded to accelerate the drinking process which resulted in enthusiastic singing and 'high jinks'. It was at this point that the familiar drone of Scottish bagpipes could be heard, and police officers swiftly moved in.

Sergeant Alf Bogg of Greater Manchester CID told reporters:

"We wern avin that! I ate those bleedin pipes! They're shite!"

Eyewitnesses spoke of hearing an "unbearable sound" that made their ears bleed.

Tanya Scroat, 27, of Levenshulme, said:

"It was like the end o' werld. I 'ad t' teck me socks off an' shove 'em in me ears!"

People living more than seven miles away were also affected. One, Brian Gump from Cheadle near Stockport looked anxiously over his shoulder as he said:

"That sound! It won't come back, will it?"

Police say that a man from Scotland is helping them with their enquiries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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