Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 12 May 2008

image for Manchester United/Chelsea Title Race Was The Most Boringest Ever, Says Keegan
Bland image of football

The Premiership title race between Chelsea and Manchester United was the most boring thing that has ever happened in the history of sporting events, says excitable Newcastle manager Kevin Keegan.

Keegan, who had his bottom smacked by Magpies' owner Mike Ashley in London last week, was speaking on the Newcastle website, and told fans:

"That title race was the most rubbishest, boringest thing I've ever been through. It was obvious only one of them two teams was going to win it, nobody else has got a chance, what with all them foreign owners and their trillions of pounds or dollars or rubles or whatever it is they've got in their fat wallets, and I think it's just symptomastic of our great game today that the other lesser more rubbisher teams can't even get a look in 'cos of them rich owners and their squillions of dollars and rubles and dinars and pesetos and drachmas and yens and pounds and shillings and pences!"

Keegan went on:

"Next year will just be the same, an' it's just up to teams like us to battle it out to see who can stay in the division, but, mark my words, and I'm talking to you Sir Alex, and you, whatshisname? Sir Avram or whatever, we'll be givin it everythin we've got to bring ye down, and, let me tell ye now, I'd love it, yeah LOVE IT if we beat them and don't be surprised if wecihjbfeivj voj jo84hn349bvu93 c934fncn9u349ur4nfo ec9!£!!KBhibi!2N67^%££ VJhvhwehccdojkacnnfdcnoen 11!!!???PPOIUUHGRFSDBIB (*&&^98789!!!!oooeruxndpm834j7 gu3du9bc9u bollox 843SSDDFRE?!&^!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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