Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 19 April 2008

image for Wayne Rooney Breaks "Erm" Record
Roy Castle never said "erm" - that's a record!

Wayne Rooney, the erm Manchester United and erm England striker, has entered the Record Books again by shattering the World Erm-saying Record, breaking the existing total set by Simon Jack in 1978.

Rooney, who says 'erm' for fun, was speaking in a Match of the Day interview after he and his team had beaten Blackburn Rovers to virtually secure the Premiership title on Saturday. In his replies to interviewer Jonathan Pearce, he said the word "erm" no less than 11,016 times, beating Mr Jack's 30-year record by more than 1,000 erms.

The erm, not to be confused with the Exchange Rate Mechanism, a system introduced by the European Community to reduce exchange rate variability, and to achieve monetary stability in Europe, is a form of nervous tick, and afflicts those amongst the population who have a limited vocabulary and not many brain cells.

Jack's record was achieved as a schoolboy when, whilst watching Record Breakers hosted by the late Roy Castle, he decided to break the then world record by repeating the word 'erm' 10,000 times without pause. Jack always maintains he would have achieved more, but that his mum told him it was bedtime

Asked how he felt about his new World Champion status, Rooney said:

"..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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