Written by Kent Pete
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Sunday, 6 April 2008

image for Wenger defiant after United 'victory'
Wenger : As mad as a Bag of Cats.

Manager Arsene Wenger was in defiant mood as his Arsenal team appeared to be thrashed 4-0 at The Theatre of Dreams yesterday.

Watched by a worldwide TV audience of close to a billion viewers, Wayne Rooney delivered a virtuoso solo display as Manchester United outclassed the Gunners in the FA Cup fifth round.

However as many believed they had seen Nani, the Portuguese wonderkid, taunting his opponents with a display of wing brilliance not seen at Old Trafford since the days of welsh jailbird Mickey Thomas, the Arsenal manager was strangely upbeat at the post match interview.

Known in the past to turn a blind eye to his team's lack of discipline on the field, the Arsenal manager appeared to have been watching a different game. Talking to our sports reporter Wenger said,

"I am just glad to get that one out of the way. United are a good side and we had to be at our best to get anything from the game. I admit the penalty decision against Ronaldo looked harsh but you have to ride your luck and I thought Van Persie took his goal superbly. We showed character out there today and I'm just relieved to be in Monday's draw with our treble dream intact."

When asked what he thought about man of the match, Anderson, dominating the midfield for the full 90 minutes, Wenger appeared to look shocked.

"I have heard about this Anderson. He plays for Porto at the moment. We are keeping an eye on him as we believe he is a player for the future, though United's close relationship with the club might make them favourites to sign him in the summer."

However reports that the Frenchman plans to attend the draw for the Quarter Finals may cause some embarrassment. New F.A Chairman, Lord Triesman said last night,

"Traditionally the event is only attended by managers of clubs who are actually involved in the draw. However Mr Wenger is so high profile it might be difficult for security to turn him away. I will perhaps write to Bristol Rovers manager Paul Trollope and offer him an alternative day out. A family ticket to Alton Towers will hopefully sort the problem out."

Sir Alex Ferguson does not speak to our paper for legal reasons, however his assistant Carlos Queiroz said to our reporter this morning,

"O Wenger é louco. Ele cheira de mackeral e sua wife tem o sexo com Alsatian."

Again we have to apologise that our paper does not have access to a Portuguese translator. However with more law suits against us than Private Eye, we believe this might be a blessing in disguise.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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