Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 3 April 2008

image for Dwain Chambers To Ride Grand National Favourite
Chambers feeds his mount White Powder

Dwain Chambers, the drugs cheat sprinter who signed for Castleford Rugby League Club this week, has further astonished sports fans by announcing that he is to ride the favourite White Powder in this weekend's Grand National at Aintree.

The sprinter, who has never sat on a horse, told journalists at a news conference that, despite his lack of nagsmanship, his skill, determination and durability would stand him in good stead in the saddle, and would help him and his mount towards the finishing post in record time.

Chambers has recently explained away his drug use, by claiming that he needs stimulants to achieve a hard-on. The British Athletics Association is awaiting the results of medical tests to support this.

He arrived at Aintree this morning for a jog around the track, and even hurdled some of the fences, spurred on in his canter by a cocktail of banned substances.

As he sprinted down the home straight and ducked towards the tape, a packet of white powder fell out of his track pants. When asked about this by watching paparazzi, the wily runner merely laughed and explained:

"Just a little something for the weak end."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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