Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 18 March 2008

image for Keegan To Be Sacked After Fulham Defeat
Newcastle's and Fulham's records speak for themselves

Kevin Keegan, the King of Tyneside, will be sacked from his other position as manager of Newcastle United after next weekend's defeat at the hands of lowly Fulham, who don't even warrant a second name.

Magpies

Keegan's Magpies did at least 'win' their first point under his stewardship in a 1-1 draw last night, not at the home of football, but, ironically, at the home of golf, St Andrews, against fellow strugglers Birmingham City, but it wasn't enough to placate their partisan fans.

Freefall

Newcastle have tumbled in freefall since Keegan's arrival, and the Toon faithful have had enough. Supporters say it's time for him to pack his bags and get out of toon.

Bare-chested

This weekend, at St James' Park in front of their bare-chested fans, another failure will signal the end of the Messiah's reign, and he will be despatched forthwith to the dole queue.

Titwank

One fan, Sharon Titwank, 19, who always attends games bare-chested, said:

"Why aye, man! Wee're shite! Bring Sam Allardyce back!"

Not very good

Fulham manager Roy Hodgson, who can't stand Keegan, will be doing his utmost to secure a win for Fulham, who fully intend staying in the Premier League next season, despite being shite.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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