Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 26 February 2008

image for Keegan To Be Sacked Next Week - If He Hasn't Walked Already
Keegan's prospects are grim

Kevin Keegan, the beleaguered Newcastle United manager, is on his way out of St James' Park, according to sources at the club, and could be sacked as early as next week, if he hasn't already done a runner by then.

Keegan, who is well-known for 'checking-out early', has only been in charge of the Magpies for a month, but the team haven't won a single game in that time, and Tyneside fans are now calling for their ex-hero's head - on a plate - with some tripe and onions.

Newcastle have a home game against in-form Blackburn on Saturday, before travelling to Anfield for a showdown with Keegan's old employers Liverpool the week after. Experts believe that he may be on the dole by then.

Alan Hansen, the ex-Liverpool and Scotland defender, who played with Keegan, said:

"If you defend like that, you're gonna get punished."

Meanwhile, Alan Shearer, who used to clean Keegan's boots while he was an apprentice, told anyone who would listen:

"They need a win. If they don't get one, they'll get a new manager instead."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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