Written by Mark Lowton
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Topics: David Beckham

Wednesday, 5 September 2001

image for Beckham in Spectacle Shocker
Trend-setting Wimp

David's done it again. Not content with the sarong and sexy knickers, Becks has been compelled to top them all with his latest fashion statement.

During one match last season David was a little upset by the roughness of some players from opposing teams. Hoping to avoid such things occuring again, at expense of looking a bit of a fool, David has decided to wear some sports glasses during matches in attempt to make the other players take pity on him and not be quite so rough.

Those people who wear spectacles for medical reasons are 'up in arms' at Beckham's mockery. They strongly believe that he should be banned from playing the sport for such a blatant insult to a large percentage of the world's population.

One Mr. Camblewhite who wears glasses said, "It's an outrage. And no-one's listening to us. I'm sure that if Mr. Beckham had turned gay, or suddenly began to speak and dress like an Afro-Carribean as a bloody fashion statement, he'd be serving a life sentence at Her Majesty's pleasure. It's just plain stupid that he can get away with having such an attitude."

Neither Beckham nor Manchester United's manager Sir Alex Ferguson were able to comment on the situation, but Dave's beautiful wife, Victoria was quite happy to be interviewed.

". . .I've been tellin' my David to get glasses for a while, y'know to like make him look a bit cleverer, but then I was thinkin' about him saying about how people was playin' rough on the pitch."

"That was it for me. I remembered this girl at school, she was really clever and she was a bitch too as well, so me an' this other girl was gonna beat her up. . .but 'cause she was wearin' glasses, me an' my mate felt a bit sorry for her so we just pulled her hair a bit. . .I told my David about this and he thought it were a great idea, he even said it'd help 'im when he got into little fights outside the ground which 'appens now and again. . ."

To avoid any further upset, Sir Alex has told David that he is not to wear glasses during matches and has given £1,000 Mr. Camblewhite as an apology for his player's actions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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