Written by Jay Thomas
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Saturday, 2 February 2008

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The Patriots were fined $250,000 and a first round draft pick by Commissioner Gooddal for illegally video tapping the Jets defensive hand signals. The Commissioner said yesterday during his press conference in Arizona that he does not believe the Patriots could have benefited from the video taping actions.

Reports have surfaced this week that the Patriots may have reached new lows in the attempting to obtain a competitive edge. Last week numerous members of the Giants team unexpectedly came down with severe flu like symptoms after eating at "Don Maritzios" a high class Italian restaurant in down town Manhattan to celebrate their NFC championship. The restaurant which has been in operation for 10 years is owned by Bob Kraft the owner of the New England Patriots.

One employee who requested to remain anonymous has indicated in the report that she was requested to come into work even thou she called in sick with severe flu like symptoms. Once arriving at work the manager demanded that she lick the serving utensils, plates, and cough on numerous plates of food that was to be served to the players. The employee was provided $500, an additional day off and was sent home.

Eli Manning who was at the restaurant was not affected as he is still being weaned from his mother's breast and does not eat solid foods yet. Eli said on Sirius Radio today that "he is not embarrassed that he still breast feeds", however fines it hard when his father Archie Manning tries to take over for his mom.

The league is looking into he report and the allegations and is expected to hold a press conference next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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