Written by The Hack
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Thursday, 17 January 2008

image for Toon Fans are the Best in Newcastle
A grinning Mike Cashley

Last night our reporters witnessed what can only be described as a "Black and White" stampede for tickets.

After the announcement of a 5th choice replacement being installed at the helm of St Janets Park, the "Geordie Faithful!" turned up in their Billions to see what all the fuss was about.

At 15:59 yesterday NOOcastle had sold over 13 tickets for the F.A. cup tie versus Stoke! then as if by magic, the pubs were empty and the streets were full of Barcodes queuing for the remaining 52,000 golden tickets.

Our man on the spot interviewed a handful of the "Geordie Faithful" around St Janets Park.

Jackie Waddle Cole said "its great man like, boot time Harry saw sense and came to tha TOOON" When told it wasn't Redknapp, he replied, "Well Sheeeeeraaarr will do a good job like."

Our reporter shook his head.

"Marcello Lipi? DeChamps? Houllier? Well hoo tha fukin ell is then like man?"

Another Barcode then whispered in his ear.

"King Kev whooorrr thats fukin' magic like, ah divant believe it like, whooorrr thats great news like man like!"

A Nooocastle spokesman issued this statement, "Look at these wonderful fans, they deserve it. And I think we see a marketing strategy here for undersold games, just bring in previous ex Magpies and the tickets will fly out the office. It's fantastic for the City and especially Mike Cashley's pocket!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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