Written by Simon Cockle
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Thursday, 10 January 2008

image for "The Shawshank Redemption" linked with vacant manager's job at Newcastle United

In order to improve the club's fortunes this season, Newcastle chairman Mike Ashley has suggested that the 1994 film "The Shawshank Redemption" might be the ideal choice to replace Sam Allardyce, who was sacked this week.

The film, based on a short story by Stephen King, tells the tale of a man's wrongful imprisonment and subsequent experiences in prison. "The themes of struggle and determination, and the feelgood factor that the film produces, are just what our club needs at the moment," said Ashley at a press conference at the club's ground this morning.

Concerns over the fact that the film does not currently possess the standard coaching qualifications the FA insist on for Premier League managers were brushed aside by Ashley. "The film was nominated for 7 Oscars - I think that says a lot for its ability to produce passionate, quality, free-flowing football."

Newcastle would, if they make the appointment, be following in the footsteps of Aston Villa, who recently appointed the song "Red Red Wine" by UB40 as assistant coach to Martin O'Neill, and Sheffield Wednesday, who sacked series 3 of "Only Fools and Horses" as manager and replaced it with "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" by Louis de Bernieres.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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