Written by lancemartin
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Saturday, 22 December 2007

image for Dolphins protest Tuna hiring
"Bastards!"

Dolphins across the globe are up in flippers over the hiring of the The Big Tuna as executive vice president of football operations for the Miami Dolphins.

"This is an overt act of species discrimination," said retired TV actor Flipper during an annual meeting on dolphin rights issues held off the Florida coast. "Everyone knows tuna and tuna fishing have caused countless dolphin deaths over the years through the use of gill nets."

Flipper said it was a slap in the snouts of dolphins everywhere that the NFL team's front office would hire such a vile creature who has caused so much heartache to dolphin families worldwide. "This is like hiring David Duke to run the NAACP," Flipper protested at the meeting. "We have proudly represented the Dolphins organization since their inception and then they go and put a tuna in the front office. This is a civil rights violation of the highest order."

Flipper fondly recalled the year the team went 14-0 in the regular season and then went on to win the Superbowl. "We are a proud animal and have kindly allowed our image to grace their helmets and merchandise and this is how we get treated."

The former dolphin actor called for a class-action suit against the organization.

A representative from the team sent to the meeting tried to explain an actual tuna was not hired to help bolster the lackluster team. "Legendary coach Bill Parcells is a person who just so happens to be nicknamed 'The Big Tuna'," the spokesman tried to explained.

The spokesman explained the nickname goes back to when Parcells was with the Patriots. The spokesman said Parcells in interviews has explained the nickname came from old StarKist commercials with Charlie the Tuna. "His players were trying to con him on something one time, and he said, 'You must think I'm Charlie the Tuna,' you know, a sucker, and that's kind of how it started."

The explanation did little to soothe the angry dolphins who are now demanding Parcells not only be fired but change his nickname as well.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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