The terrorist organisation Al Qaeda has announced on Al Jazeera News that it will be sending a water boarding team to the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008.
Water boarding is a relatively new sport, in which the participants pretend to drown in a controlled environment, while providing vital military secrets to the judge. The winner is the person who comes closest to death and provides the most secrets.
The sport is believed to have originated during the Spanish Inquisition, though it has re-emerged in modern Iraq, where many Jihadist separatists with nothing better to do with their time volunteered. One American coach, who happens to be a CIA agent, said:
"These towel heads are pretty good at the game. They could easily win a gold medal."
Some do-gooders say that water boarding is barbaric and should be banned. John Sifton of Human Rights Watch has likened it to "torture".
However, professional water boarders see it differently. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who presently captains Al Qaeda's team, said he looked forward to providing further information about the organisation's activities while drowning in water, adding flamboyantly:
"With the grace of Allah, we will destroy the Western water boarding teams and send them to the pits of Hell itself."
Large crowds of Muslims have gathered across the globe, carrying banners with the pictures of their sporting heroes submerged in water while talking to the judges.
The U.S. Olympic team spokeswoman said that America would not enter the water boarding competition.
"We'll sit this one out. But we're happy to provide judges to listen to water boarding confessions."
Meanwhile, British is pinning its hopes on canoeist John Darwin. A member of the British Olympic committee said:
"We were very impressed at how John pretended to drown and made a full confession to the police. However, if he expects to win a gold medal, he must make his confession while he's pretending to drown and not five years later."