Written by Tess Tickles
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Friday, 16 November 2007

image for Dolphins Replace Cleo Lemon With Jack Lemmon

The Miami Dolphins have benched Cleo Lemon in favour of Oscar-winning actor Jack Lemmon, as the fish look to avoid an oh and sixteen season.

Furthermore, in a move that will raise eyebrows, they have installed Lemmon's frequent co-star Walter Matthau as wide receiver, with GM Randy Mueller surprisingly stating that 'if they can get back the kinda chemistry that they displayed in Grumpy Old Men, not to mention Grumpy Old Men 2, then I think we've got a Brady/Moss combo on our hands, no question'.

Miami owner Wayne Huizenga said that the club wanted some continuance and stability: "We didn't want to just change quarterbacks willy-nilly so we decided a continuum of our juicy fruit theme would be the best option for this franchise. We have a plan and outlay that involves employing fruits in the QB position and we're resolutely sticking to our vision."

The Dolphins had been expected to give Beck a start but their recently acquired offensive advisor, who is said to have a sound, analytical mind of unrivalled genius and goes by the name of R. Williams felt that 'a crappy blonde musician ain't what the team needs right now'.

Mr. R. Williams put the wheels in motion and made the deals happen, but recently dropped Cleo Lemon ain't happy: "All those old fogies do is bitch, whine and compete for the affections of the hottest cheerleader. Plus, they both died years ago."

Despite being dead however, alleged coach Cam Cameron thinks that Lemmon has a better arm than Lemon: "This guy is the new Dan Marino. He's got what it takes."

Asked how he thought an old man would cope with the heat in Miami, Cameron responded: "Some like it hot".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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