Written by The Macster
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Thursday, 18 October 2007

image for Wales - World Champions of a Sport at Last
Bryn Davies of Swansea Blackjacks models the kit for the 2007/2008 Season

The rugby shaped void in Welsh School Curriculum's following the Welsh Assembly's decision to ban rugby from Wales has at last been filled with the invention of the new sport of Welsh Football or 'Buttyball' to give the game its slang nickname.

The game, which came into prominence in the Rhonda and Rhymney Valleys is played by two teams of eighteen players, who over the course of 45 minutes, try to bat a rugby ball - a todger - into the opposing teams basketball net - or Minge - to give it the correct terminology, using a cricket bat shaped paddle - the dunky.

The sport is believed to have originated at the Nantgarw Bowlplex, when rival gangs from the two valleys would meet to beat seven shades of crap out of each other.

The rules to the game were first transcribed by Delwyn Davies in 1892. Davies, who was not allowed to join in with the fights as he was a monumental bore, was later killed when he brought a whistle to the Bowlplex and attempted to 'send off' a Rhymney Valley player for 'excessive knee-ball contact'.

Davies' persistence did pay off and Gareth Davies - no relation - eventually helped to form the International Welsh Football Association, with an agreed rulebook and set conduct of play. Welsh football is no different to a number of different football codes such as Australian Rules Football and American football, in that there is no actual connection between a foot and the ball and is just named football to piss off the English and the Scots.

Even though the Welsh Welsh Football league has been existence since 1974, the sport is unique in that no team has ever won a game as it is nigh on impossible to score. The only ever recorded 'todger' to be 'dunked' into a 'minge', was by Gavin 'Butt' Davies in a match between Merthyr Maniacs and Treorchy Tigers, but the 'shag' - or goal - was disallowed due to a 'cutching' infringement.

Wales are currently celebrating the success of their team in the Welsh Football World Cup Finals which they won by default as no-one else in the world actually plays the sport.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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