Written by Don Davis
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Topics: Baseball

Wednesday, 17 October 2007

image for Toronto Blue Jays on Ice

Toronto (AP) - Due to Canadians having very little affection for any sport not played on Ice the Toronto Blue Jays will now play on a Baseball "Rink". The 7th inning stretch will include the "chicken dance" on ice and dueling Zamboni's. There may also be the occasional Octopus thrown onto the ice when errors are committed. Since their season always ends early the modifications to their stadium have already begun.

When asked about the changes Toronto ownership team spokesperson, Paula Taymore, stated "everything is better on ice up here. They love their Hockey and they even somehow combined bowling, shuffleboard and housework into a sport they call curling. I don't quite understand it but the Canadian Whiskey I drink during a curling match is good on ice too".

Major League Baseball puppet commissioner Bud "yes Mr. Steinbrenner" Selig is opposed to the changes stating "Baseball wasn't intended to be played on ice". Outspoken Detroit Tigers designated hitter Gary Sheffield added "Baseball wasn't even intended to be played by Canadians". Hall of Fame base stealer Ricky Henderson stated his concerns saying "sliding into second will be more of a challenge. Not the sliding so much but the stopping before you hit the left field wall".

Since each Major League ballpark has its own set of unique "ground rules" it seems there's very little the puppet commissioner can do. Examples of "ground rules" around the league include a batted ball that passes through the outfield scoreboard is a ground rule double at Boston's Fenway Park, a batted ball that sticks in the ivy that covers the outfield fence is a ground rule double at Chicago's Wrigley Field, and a ball hit out of San Francisco Giants stadium into McCovey's cove gets you a free steroid injection.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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