Written by Jesus Budda
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Thursday, 4 October 2007

image for Milan's Dida signed by Don King following Celtic tumble
Humpty Dumpty had a great....

AC Milan's goalkeeper Dida has been offered a one five match boxing contract following his stunning performance last night against Celtic in the Champions League. The Brazilian star took a dive after a drunken Glaswegian supporter "viciously attacked" him during the game.

"I like the cut of his jib", said boxing promoter legend Don King, "he's the type of guy I could promote the sh*t out of and make millions after he takes the fall. It's a win win situation - for me!"

"The kid took a left hook and stayed up for about 2 seconds", said King, "thats more than enough for me. So long as I get my take at the gate and a large percentage of the TV rights, I don't give a damn how long the fight lasts".

A spokesman for Dida said that the player was considering MR Kings generous offer.
Dida is still in hospital and "suffering" from concussion and "mental pain", but will be perfectly fit for next Sunday's Italian league fixtures.

The supporter who attacked the keeper vanished into the crowd and his whereabouts are unknown, provoking suggestions from some that it was all an elaborate paln staged by AC Milan owner Silvio "Cheating B*stard" Berlusconito send one of his own minions onto the pitch and ground the goalie in order to have the match result overturned.

Indeed, one eyewitness reported that the man spoke with a distinctive Italian accent but this was put down to his possibly originating from an Italian-Scottish fish n' chip shop family. Or something. All bollocks really.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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