Written by Tess Tickles
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Thursday, 6 September 2007

image for Federer Runs Out Of Rackets; Still Defeats Roddick
Federer, during the titanic battle with Roddick.

Roger Federer has made it to the semi-finals of the US Open, overcoming Andy Roddick in straight sets, despite running out of rackets midway through the second set in what can only be described as an extraordinary night at Flushing Toilets.

With Federer seemingly in control, it seemed like a routine victory was on the cards, until he broke a string-the fifth time he had done so in the contest. As Roger ruffled through his bag, it became obvious to everyone that the world number one had run out of rackets, resulting in gasps of horror from the watching crowd.

Everyone expected Federer to retire, including a rather smug looking Andy Roddick, who was whooping and punching the air, yet the Swiss star merely shrugged and returned to his service position. He then continued to serve out the set and run away with the next, seemingly controlling the direction of the ball via the power of his mind as onlookers sat in stunned amazement.

In his post match press conference, a clearly disgruntled Roddick had this to say:

"The fucker was just showing off. Anyway, there must be something in the rulebook about this", he vented, flicking furiously through the aforementioned rulebook.

Federer himself didn't see what all the fuss was about:

"So I ran out of rackets...so what? It's happened before. To be honest, I don't really need a racket to beat Roddick; the racket is just a hindrance. I mean, it's pretty heavy to carry around all day."

Roddick, who hadn't lost to a racket less opponent since his junior days, admits that perhaps he should have pushed the Swiss harder under the circumstances:

"I could have done better on some breakpoints, I suppose, but it's tough when he's making the ball stop in midair, reverse and hit me right smack in the nose".

Federer expected a tougher test from the American but admitted that 'it was tough for him since I was making my serve bounce back over to my side of the court'.

Tennis legend Pete Sampras, who was in attendance, says he is convinced that something fishy is going on:

"I think Federer has been controlling the ball with some sort of remote control all along. There's just no way anyone can be better than me without underhand tactics. I'm not jealous or scared of him beating my grand slam victories record; but you all saw what happened out there; this Federer clown is a dirty cheat".

Whatever, Federer encounters Davydenko next, and is considering leaving his rackets at home if 'it's okay with my sponsors'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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