Serial cheat Ronaldo saw red last night against Pompey. Referee Steve Bennet saw fit to give the Portuguese Mincing Whinger a straight red for what was interpreted as "violent conduct" for head butting Richard Hughes!
After the game Hughes was interviewed over the incident, his face all swollen and bruised!
Our reporter asked Hughes about his injuries, to which he replied: "Well, I don't want to make a big deal out of the incident as there was very little contact."
Considering his severe facial swelling, we queried him further to elaborate on the incident: "As he brushed my face I got a powerful smell, which I can only describe as....well it smelled like a prossies handbag!"
The club Doctor later confirmed that Hughes swelling was indeed an allergic reaction to Ronaldo's make up and over use of hair gel.
In light of these statements, drunk Scottish overlord, Alex Ferguson is to appeal to the F.A. not to ban the Cheating Diver, as it can no longer be seen as a violent conduct charge, merely just his prized trophy footballers obsession with being a big mincing girl.