Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 18 July 2007

image for Chelsea's Arjen Robben Clears Off To Spain
No place at Chelsea for Robbing

Arjen Robbing, the Chelsea whinger and diver, has agreed personal terms with Spanish footballing giants Real Madrid and will sign for them as soon as he gets back to his feet.

The two teams have yet to agree a fee for the player, but it's thought that Chelsea are eager to offload the cheat, and are prepared to accept almost anything just to get rid of him.

Ever since Robbing came to Stamford Bridge nearly three years ago, he has consistently fallen to the ground, writhed in agony, contorted his body in spasms of pain, faked 'crying' and pulled almost every other referee-influencing stunt known to footballers.

Blues' manager Jose Moaninho said:

"He is a cheat. I hate him. I have never seen a player dive so much."

Madrid are one of the biggest clubs in world football and do not seem worried by Robbing's underhanded reputation. Club president Ramon Calderon told reporters:

"We are more than a football club. We have several other interests, one of which is a swimming club. We want Arjen Robbing to train some of our younger divers. We think he will be a tremendous asset for many years to come."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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