Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 12 July 2007

image for Leeds United Acquired By Beastly Former Owner
Bet Snake last night

The future of Leeds United looks safe this morning after the club was sold back to former owner Ken Beast by grandmother Betty Ramsbottom, who bought it at a car boot sale last weekend.

Granny Ramsbottom, 91, of Pudsey, handed the Elland Road outfit over to Beast yesterday for a figure thought to be in the region of £15, after she realised that she had, in fact, "no earthly use for it whatsoever". The sale price, if accurate, represents a massive 500% profit for Granny, who snapped it up at the Roundhay Car Boot for £2.50.

Beast, real name Ben Steak, has already said he won't be paying-off any of Leeds £135m debt, as he can't afford it. His wife, Bet Snake, real name Bet Sneak, has been named as a director in a 'purely advisory capacity'.

Leeds fans, themselves, are overwhelmingly in favour of the outcome of the sale. Supporters Club chairman Stan Beek said:

"Mr Beast will lead us back to our former glories."

Not everyone was as confident though. Local historian, EK Batsen, a Leeds supporter for more than 150 years, feels the club is on an uncontrollable downward spiral, and said:

"We'd have been better off leaving the club in the hands of the Granny."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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