Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 29 June 2007

image for Henman Hill To Be Flattened After Wimbledon
A lone fan on Henman Hill

Henman Hill, the unsightly mound of earth in the grounds of the All England Club where the Wimbledon Tennis Championships are held each year, is to be bulldozed after the current tournament is over.

The hill, originally a waste tip, became famous in the 1990s when the BBC erected a giant video screen there for spectators not fortunate enough to have obtained tickets to watch the tennis. Almost immediately though, fans realised that they could watch their favourites from the position without having to pay through the nose for the privilege.

As Tim Henman was just about the only British tennis player at the time who could hold a racquet, he became the crowd's favourite, and the hill was named after him. When Tim wasn't playing, the site was variously known as Rusedski Ridge, after Canadian Greg, and Mount Murray, honouring bad-tempered Scot Angry Murray.

Club officials say that the hill, like English tennis itself, is built on shaky foundations, and now constitutes a health and safety risk, as well as being an eyesore, and a constant reminder of England's annual failure to produce a Wimbledon winner.

All England Club member Col. Cedric Farquhar-Jones told TheSpoof:

"Dashed bad luck, that Henman. Always coming up against better players."

Former Wimbledon champion John McEnroe, now working for the BBC, told viewers:

"Might as well get the bulldozers in and flatten it. He's never going to win!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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