Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 15 June 2007

The fourth Npower Test Match between England and the West Indies at Chester-le-Street has been abandoned due to lack of interest. Rain saved the sponsors' blushes as it came teeming down in usual fashion just before play was due to start, with the ground almost totally empty.

England already hold an unassailable 2-0 lead in the Series, and there has been little or no interest in the game. Only twelve tickets had been sold, and none of those lucky ticketholders was present at the time the umpires called it a day. A family of ducks was the only sign of life out in the middle, splashing playfully in a lake created by the deluge of rain.

The weather forecast for the weekend was better, but it was thought that, as the Windies could not change the outcome of the Series, there was no point in carrying on.

BBC Weatherman Daniel Corbett, who is mental, waved his arms wildly and contorted his face as he said:

"Mid wicket? Long on? Square leg umpire? It's all a load of bollocks to me, I'm afraid."

His colleague Helen Willetts who, by all accounts, is a bit of a 'goer', said:

"The rain will clear away, leaving bright spells and sunny intervals to end the day, but there will be absolutely no chance of any cricket, because it is boring."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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