Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 15 May 2007

image for Jewell Thief Was Sacked - Claim
Another Scouser, who probably knows Jewell "through the network"

More details are emerging about the 'resignation' on Monday of former Wigan Athletic manager Paul Jewell. Sources at the club have said that, rather than having resigned, Jewell was sacked for thieving.

Mr Jewell, who is a Scouser, allegedly rifled through the jackets and coats of partygoers at the Latics' end-of-season Escape From Relegation bash on Sunday night. He was caught red-handed by Wigan chairman, owner and all-round mouthpiece Dave Whelan, who has become rich selling tacky sportswear to Chavs.

JJB mogul Whelan discovered Jewell in the cloakrooms with a 'haul' of wallets, purses and other valuables. Whilst the pocket-sized pickpocket picked pockets, stars like Emile Heskey danced the night away, unaware that their manager was plundering their possessions.
Once discovered, there was only one thing for the Chav clothing supplier to do, and he did it swiftly, announcing that Jewell had resigned due to 'exhaustion'.

Two years ago, the 'light-fingered one' was arrested but then released without charge after leaving several cars "up on bricks" when stealing tyres outside the FA headquarters at Lancaster Gate. He had just been interviewed and rejected for the then-vacant England manager's job.

An FA spokesman told TheSpoof:

"He's a thieving little toerag. Maybe there'll be a spot for him at Tranmere."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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