Written by Benny Martin
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Tuesday, 15 May 2007

image for Wigan in Shock Split from Premier League
Wigan Split from League

In a shock announcement, Wigan revealed they will be leaving the FA Premier League and forming their own division, called The Dave Whelanship.

Immediately after this announcement, The resignation of Paul Jewell was revealed. The reasons for this were said to be the stress it would cause to Paul Jewell, a manic depressive, finishing bottom of this league year after year.

The new league has already struck a television deal with an adult TV station. Wigan, being the only team in the league would have to play with themselves week in week out. This attracted interest from various seedy sponsors. Dave Whelan mentioned he is happy with this arrangement as he is used to it.

Sam Allardyce will be taking charge of the team at the beginning of the new season, as he is excited by the prospect of winning trophies. He is also looking forward to watching his team of 22 men play with themselves, and overseeing their development.

Originally, Mr Whelan intended the league to contain more teams, but realised the so called 'gang of four' were really erotic images he dreamt of the night before, and never really existed. He then searched the Wigan trophy cabinet to find the prize for the new league, but could only find a bottle of whisky, which he quickly drank. He then drove to the local trophy shop to buy the trophy, and got arrested for being 5 times over the limit.

In a later development, West Ham were deducted 3 points, and relegated to the championship, but quickly re-instated to the Premier League in the light of the Latic's departure.

Mr Whelan was unavailable for comment as he was still sobering up in the local Police Station.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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