Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 4 May 2007

image for Manchester United Boss Isn't Bothered By Champions League Defeat
Is he bovvered?

Alice Ferguson, the Manchester United manager, uncharacteristically lost his temper yesterday when responding to questions about his team's Champions League exit at the hands of AC Milan at the San Siro on Wednesday night.

Speaking on Manchester local radio, Ferguson was asked by presenter Mike Trammp, if he was disappointed that the 'Treble' was not now on.

The Scotsman, according to Trammp, "turned crimson", and blurted:

"Disappointed? Are you kiddin' me? Do I look disappointed? Aren't we the biggest club in the world? Do I care? Do I look bovvered?"

When Trammp confessed that, he did, indeed, 'look bovvered', Sir Alex rose from his chair and continued his rant:

"Am I bovvered? Champions League? Bovvered? Wayne Rooney? Bovvered? Erm Erm Erm bovvered? Crustiano Retardo bovvered? Look at ma bloody face? AM I BOVVERED?"

Trammp fetched the Reds' boss a glass of water and things calmed down until next Wednesday's crunch clash with Chelsea was mentioned:

"Chelsea? Bovvered? Portuguese twat? Bovvered? Face bovvered? Fist bovvered? Ridiculous Scottish accent bovvered? Aaaaaaarrrggghhhhh!"

With that, Sir Alex keeled over and lay in a crumpled heap, and an ambulance was called. After remedial first aid had been administered though, he was pronounced "fine", and was able to see out the rest of the interview at a canter.

Said Trammp later:

"I was worried when he hit the deck, but it was a cast-iron dive."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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