Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 13 April 2007

image for Aston Villa To Be Relegated For Being Boring
Villa aren't very exciting

In an astonishing move this morning, the Football Association has decided that, at the end of the season, Aston Villa will be relegated from the Premier League, whatever their finishing position in the table.

The reason, say the FA, is that the Birmingham-based club are just "too boring", and would be better suited playing the likes of Plymouth Argyle, Burnley and Hull City rather than giants of football such as Wigan and Middlesbrough.

Current Chief Executive of the FA, Brian Barsted, said:

"They are pure boredom. God knows why the fans put up with it."

Although disappointed, Villa fans have accepted the ruling, and say it's not entirely unexpected.

Jack Sprat, a lifelong Villain, said:

"It's been a long time coming. We're shite. We just don't know where the goal is."

John Tedium, of Birmingham, told TheSpoof!:

"I don't even notice the game anymore. In fact, last week's game against Wigan was a complete blur to me. I only came for the Car Boot Sale on the car park."

Manager Martin O'Neill who, despite his glittering playing days, and, thus far, successful managerial career, has drawn the short straw at Villa. He has vowed to leave the club if they are relegated because he can't stand losing.

Villa owner Randy Lerner, former owner of the Cleveland Browns, said:

"It's second down and six at the 18-yard line! We're awful and we deserve to become relegationalised!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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