Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 10 April 2007

image for "Manchester Utd Will Win Handsomely" Brags Ferguson
The Ultras are no match for United's hooligans

Exercising his 'bragging rights', manager Alice Ferguson boasted his Manchester United team would "win handsomely" ahead of tonight's Champion's League match with Roma at Old Trafford.

With no major injury worries, United fans go to the game knowing that the Italians are "there for the taking", and that their performance in Rome a week ago makes them overwhelming favourites to batter and bludgeon their way into the next round.

John Hardman, the bricklayer from Cheadle, misses the game after twisting his ankle whilst playing Hopscotch in the garden with his daughter, and Barry Standandfight is sidelined because his wife is going to Bingo, and he has to babysit.

Aside from that, United will be at full strength, and despite their obvious superiority, are determined to put on a good show and kick the shit out of any Roma fan they come across.

"Our fans are nutters", said Ferguson, adding "I wouldn't want to be an Italian at Old Trafford tonight!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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