Written by Gail Farrelly
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Sunday, 25 February 2007

image for Hillary Clinton Challenges Barack Obama to a Boxing Match
It's his patriotic duty to referee

"Enough already with the war of words," Hillary has said. Arms raised, fists clenched, legs and feet in a boxer's stance, she added, "I'm ready to take it to the next level."

Hillary points out that EVERYONE who is ANYONE has taken to settling differences with their fists. If soccer dads, actors, hockey players, basketball players, and motorists across the nation can do it, why not politicians?

"Fighting is the good old American way," she has said, adding, "After all, think of the American Revolution. How did we get rid of those pesky Brits? By making nice? No way. We FOUGHT them, that's how."

Bill Clinton is totally supportive of his wife's decision to fight, saying that she has an 'awesome' right hook. Rubbing his jaw, he admitted that he was able to experience it "up close and personal" when the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke.

Mike ("Go for the Ear") Tyson has been spotted coming and going from the Clinton campaign headquarters, although he denies serving as an advisor to Hillary. Taking no chances, however, the Obama camp plans on having its candidate wear special "ear guards" during the boxing bout.

The Clinton-Obama Democratic match will take place in Las Vegas as a Pay-Per-View event on several cable channels. "She'll cream him," say Hillary's supporters. Then it's on to the bout with the Republican presidential candidate. Old man McCain would be a pushover, Hillary thinks. Giuliani, younger and fitter than McCain, could be more of a challenge. But still the Clinton camp is quite confident. A Clinton spokesperson has told friends, "Giuliani touts himself as America's mayor. Who cares? He was a pampered only child. And he loves books and the opera. How good a boxer could he be?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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