Written by WilKory
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Topics: University

Saturday, 24 February 2007

image for SEC fines Vanderbilt fans for storming court after win over Florida; stricter sanctions proposed
You guys are so banned

After fining Vanderbilt University for their fans' unruly behavior after a basketball victory, the SEC has decided to ban cheering from all sporting events.

The SEC levied a $25,000 fine against the school after their fans stormed the court to celebrate an upset win over No. 1 Florida. It was the second time Vanderbilt has been penalized for fan behavior. In October, the SEC fined the school $10,000 when an irate fan "hocked a loogie" at a tennis judge after a controversial line call.

Immediately following the end of the basketball game, hundreds of fans rushed onto the court before the teams could even reach the locker room. Several Florida players reported being accosted during the fracas, including point guard Juan Christopher, who said one overzealous Vandy fan gave him an "atomic wedgie." At least three additional Wet Willies were reported, but as yet no arrests have been made.

In response, the SEC has ruled that fans will no longer be allowed to cheer at any sporting events. When pressed to clarify the rules, SEC commissioner Stan Beauford said, "There will be no clapping, hooting, hollering, or other such behavior. Snapping will be allowed, as will air high-fives and polite smiles."

When asked to justify the new rules, Beauford said, "The whole reason these athletic teams take the court is to learn the value of sportsmanship, fair play, and discipline. The whole 'win or lose' thing has been blown way out of proportion. First and foremost, we want these student-athletes to know we are as committed to their education as they are to finishing school."

Vanderbilt fans responded predictably to the news. "No cheering at games?" said sophomore Rusty Jenkins. "Did Beauford do this? Man, that dude's house is soooo TP'ed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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