Written by Lemon Zest
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Topics: Baseball, chicago, cubs

Saturday, 13 January 2007

image for Put a Fork in Wrigley, It's Done

Wrigley Field, the home of the Chicago Cubs, will be getting a new name before the 2007 baseball season. Following in the footsteps of other ball fields that have adopted the names of corporate sponsors, Wrigley Field will now be called the "K-Mart Koliseum".

General Manager Lou Pinella likes the new moniker. "I mean, K-Mart is second place to Wal-Mart in the crappy department store business. It's so pathetic. We can really relate."

A frequent K-Mart shopper, catcher Michael Barrett, admits that he doesn't care too much for the trademarked K-Mart blue light that shines every time that a home run is hit. "Then again," Barrett shrugs, "it's not like we have to see it more than once a month during the regular season."

The Cubs will honor the new name at April's season opener by selling cheap batteries, hula hoops and hair gel alongside beer and hot dogs at all concession stands.

Mayor Richard M. Daley is proud of the $3,500 a year contract for the stadium name, and hopes that they'll use the extra funds to buy some great player. In the meantime, he'll be throwing out the first ball later this year, at the K-Mart Koliseum.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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