Zürich, Switzerland - Busy soccer fans can now extend their hectic days with a new World Cup innovation from FIFA. Called My Time™, the futbol souvenir puts the power of soccer scheduling into the hands of ordinary spectators.
Delivered with a diamond encrusted Rolex watch and a certificate of authenticity, My Time™ provides several ways users can add everything from minutes, to hours, to years to their existence. Among the possibilities are:
Stoppage Time. Water cooler time. Nap time. Restroom time. Smoking time. All the time you wasted from 9 to 5 is added up and tacked on to the end of the day. You can use it to finally get some work done or to have a cold one. With My Time™, the choice is yours.
Extra Time. Let's say you're really behind on the deadline for that crucial project. Just dial-up some Extra Time on your My Time™ Rolex. (This feature would have been useful at General Motors when they were designing ignition switches.)
Sausage Time. Cannibalistic soccer stars can take the time to aim for a delicacy on their next victim. Hint: the target member is below the shoulder and above the knee.
Parole Time. Players who intentionally break the back of a fellow competitor can stay out of jail free with this FIFA time warp.
Just in Time. Press the panic button on your Rolex and My Time™ will take you back 10 minutes, giving you an instant do over.
All profits generated from the sale of My Time™ will be used to install scoreboard clocks in major soccer stadiums, ensuring that the referee isn't the only one who knows what time it is.