Written by IainB
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Monday, 16 June 2014

image for The FA set for a massive bill
This flag will probably still be flying, as it's not a George Cross.

The FA, the English branch line of FIFA, is set for a bill running into millions of pounds when the England team head home, thanks to the tens of millions of England flags that are expected to litter the floor.

"We're seeing it already after the Italian match," said head of litter policing in Trafford Council, Jonathan Prost. "You can hardly drive down the street without crunching over a dozen flags that have fallen or have been thrown off vehicles."

The most common culprit is the so-called 'car flag', so called because it is a flag that attaches to a car.

"These menaces to the cleanliness of the public highway," said Prost, "are attached to a window, and when the careless driver opens the window while driving along, they fall off. Do they stop and pick them up - no! They buy another one!"

When England do return home, at whichever ignominious stage that happens, it is expected that there will be a mass flag burning, flag shredding and flag scattering.

"And who's going to be picking all this red and white litter up?" demanded Prost. "Us! That's who."

With the millions of owners of the flags unable to be located, Trafford Council have joined forces with the other metropolitan boroughs in the country to attempt a joint action against the FA in an attempt to recoup the money needed for the expected mass clean up. The council's emergency meeting of the litter inspectorate have estimated that the cost of clean up will be a hundred pounds per flag.

Del Ooded, head of media relations at the FA believes that this won't be an issue. "We're going to win," he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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