Written by Jack Allen
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Saturday, 3 May 2014

image for "Tony Pulis Is My Love-Child" - Paul Daniels
"Magic 8-ball, who the fuck are going down this season?!"

The miraculous escape of Crystal Palace from relegation under Tony Pulis might have something to do with his biological Father being none other than Paul Daniels.

According to friends of the magician, Paul would stick his magic wand anywhere he could when he was young. However, without Paul's knowledge, a now retired magician's assistant gave birth to his child who went on to become the well known football manager Tony Pulis. When the magician found out he had another son last August he quickly tracked him down.

Tony and Paul met during Tony's break from management and they spent almost every waking moment together for a month. Tony Pulis then informed his Dad that he was taking the managerial job at odds on favourites for relegation, Crystal Palace.

"I knew that I had it in me to get Palace out of the mess they were in," said Pulis. "It's in my blood. Paul didn't like it a lot but he said to me that if I could keep them up then I would be a better magician than he'd ever been!"

Tony went on to say that he is a realist and knows that just like his Dad, he could be one of the best in the business at what he does, but he'll still be seen as inadequate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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