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Thursday, 10 April 2014

image for Fulham To Change Name To QPR
Both of Fulham's supporters show concern outside Craven Cottage

Struggling English Premier League club Fulham have announced that they are to change their name to Queen's Park Rangers. The move was initially greeted with hostility by both supporters until it was explained to them that it meant QPR would be relegated two seasons in succession.

Club spokesperson and compulsive eater of TUC cheese biscuits David "Diddy" Hamilton said "It's true; after the season we've had the only thing left for us to do is to pretend that QPR have been relegated. That way we might survive," said the one-time Radio 1 dj and television game show guest.

Name changing in English football is not new, but it is often controversial. Wimbledon enraged home supporters when the club was relocated to Milton Keynes and renamed MK Dons, leading to the creation of AFC Wimbledon. Hull City are currently trying to change their name to Hull Tigers, a move that manager Steve Bruce is said to approve of. Meanwhile, Leyton Orient have been known as Orient, Leyton Orient, Eagle FC and "you total pile of shit", the later being the most long-lasting of names the team has gone by.

The move by Fulham is seen as the final throw of the dice by expert German escapologist Felix Magath, who was recently appointed manager of the struggling outfit. Magath is known for employing controversial tactics, such as long-distance runs, waterboarding, genocide and thermo-nuclear war. Changing the club name to Queen's Park Rangers is surely his most controversial plan to date.

"You English are too attached to the name of the club. Why not be more daring? Imagine if Stockport County were to change their name to Real Madrid? The club shop would suddenly become more profitable and the club could sign new players," explained the former manager of Bayern Dortmund Schalke Moenchengladbach FC.

QPR are said to be displeased with Fulham's plans. 'Arry Redknapp, team manager delivered a statement in cheeky cockney style outside his multi-million pound home at Sandbanks.

"'Ere geezer, I'm well browned off. The dog'n'bone's been goin' all mornin' and 'er in doors 'as got the right 'ump. She says either I get this sorted or I'm gonna 'ave to start pronouncin' me 'aitches," said an obviously distressed Redknapp.

Fulham are expected to change their name immediately after their next match, unless they should happen to win it.

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