Famished Tigers Feed Off Crowd (Literally!)

On Saturday the Detroit Tigers clinched a spot in their first World Series since 1984. These Tigers were fed a steady diet of losing since about the mid- 90's and they were ravished. Upon winning against the Oakland A's in a sweep after a walk-off home run, the Tigers fed their famished selves by feeding on the pumped up and vitamin rich crowd. Said game hero Magglio Ordonez, "The thought of the juicy stomach's and the delicious hearts kept me going the whole game, eventually allowing me to get the energy to hit that great home run (interpreted by a guy who speaks that kind of English-Spanish thing that many players these days speak). Placido Polanco, MVP of the series, explained that the keratin rich eyeballs, especially of the young children, gave his eyes the extra power to see the pitches of the Oakland pitchers. Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers said that there was an especially large Tiger's fan that sat behind home plate that provided him much energy to shut out the Oakland A's. Said manager Jim Leyland, "We just love our fans!"
Not only did the Detroit players eat the fans, but many coaches devoured these tasty, overweight fans as well. Third base coach Gene Lamont said that he was able to make good coaching decisions after he ate the brain of an especially nerdy fan sitting in the upper deck. Said Lamont of the experience, "slurping the juice out of his brain and then swallowing the deflated pink structure really powered me up and gave me brain power in order to direct our runners". Coach Jim Leyland has an especially large appetite said many of his players as they watched him consume an entire section of drunken fans in just a few minutes. Catcher Ivan Rodriguez called Leyland "One of those skinny guys that can really eat! A monster, the next Kobayashi of fan eating" Hopefully more fans, especially the vitamin-rich ones will attend the world series and give the Tigers more energy as they feed off the crowd. Please support the Tigers and provide yourselves as energy to the players. Follow Craig Monroes advice: "We love eating the cheekbones of women and children, they are filled with protein!" The descriptions of these happenings are purely fictional, the Tigers did feed of the crowd but in an emotional and not physical way!