Written by Paxton Quigley
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Topics: Athletics, LGBT

Sunday, 25 August 2013

image for Elena Isinbaeva's "Some of My Best Friends Are Gay" Retraction Backfires
Olga Karpetmunchoff: angry at gay insinuation

Mindful of how she now appears to civilised western European citizens who live in the 21st century and doubtless fearing that her new image as a homophobe will seriously affect her popularity, her marketability and more importantly her income, world pole vault champion and Vlad "the Impaler" Putin's favourite athlete, Elena Isinbaeva has now issued a correction after her post-win rant against LGBT human rights. Unfortunately, her new statement soon resulted in a legal threat from her Russian friends.

Isinbaeva had criticised high jumper Emma Green-Tregaro for making a statement against Russia's controversial anti-gay laws by painting her fingernails in the colours of the rainbow as "a simple way of showing what I think".

The world champion has now said in a statement "I respect the views of my fellow athletes and...I am opposed to any discrimination against gay people, in fact some of my best friends are gay."

This shocking admission has led to a witch hunt and police raids on all known associates of Ms. Isinbaeva some of whom have threatened her with legal action for defamation of character. First to react was Olga Karpetmunchoff, women's Olympic heavyweight boxing champion, bodyguard and live-in masseuse for Ms. Isinbaeva:

"That bitch, insinuating that I'm gay, how dare she? I mean what the hell, the slut is only too glad when I keep the girls from pinching her skinny arse when we go clubbing at our local, 'The Purple Strap-on'. Just wait till she gets home, I'll give her a bloody good spanking."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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