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Friday, 16 August 2013

image for David Moyes admits he forgot he was Man United boss
Rooney could break into the first team this season under Moyes

Football fans around the world were aghast this morning on the eve of opening weekend of the Premier League (EPL) as David Moyes admitted to a reporter that he had forgotten he was the new at Old Trafford and thought he was still in charge at Everton FC.

The first sign of the Glaswegians amnesia was when he asked the kitman where the blue kit was. "Aye, that was a bit embarrassing I can tell ya" splurted out Moyes as he downed an irn bru. The former guvnor of Goodison replaced Sir Alec Ferguson in the summer as SAF took early retirement to spend more time on the allotment, growing cabbages and Tennants Extra.

"Well, I have had trouble adapting" Moyes told Gaga Radio. "I haven't bought any players as there is never any money to spend at Everton. The chairman Bill Kenwright keeps the purse strings as tight as a strapless dress. I was looking at a few free transfers from Australia recommended to me by Tim Cahill - they may join us before the window closes at the end of August"

When asked if want-away Wayne Wooney was part of his plans for the coming season, Moyes gave the weirdest answer of all. He said "Well the boy has a lot of talent, but he's 16 years old and I don't want to rush him into the team and put lots of pressure on him to be a match-winner for us. He's the sort of player I would like to build a team around over the next decade before we inevitably have to sell him to a bigger club."

United start their league season with an international match against Welsh wizards Swansea - holders of the English League Cup.

Sir Alec Ferguson is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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